9/11

Today we honor the heros and the fallen of 9/11.

As a nation we have grieved the events of that tragic day.

As a therapist, when it comes to grief, I only give people on piece of advice: be where you are in the grieving process. If today you feel sadness, please honor that by feeling it and expressing it. Being where you are on the path is how you reach acceptance. Even when you reach acceptance you may see or hear something that may stir up feelings of anger or sadness. Again, I urge you to be where ever you are in the process. Of course, this means feeling it. If you are feeling angry, I ask that you express it in a healthy way – not in any way that might hurt another emotionally or physically. Healthy expressions of anger could be talking to a trusted person, journalling or using your anger to do something constructive.

Today, you can go to the Patriot Day Healing Field in Sandy to remember the fallen and the heroes of 9/11.

Don’t use this blog

Use http://saltlakementalhealth.com/ instead

Happiness: a Pop Quiz

Which of these things will make you happy long-term?

A. An end to the recession
B. Finding a job
C. Having a baby
D. Finding Mr. or Ms. Right
E. Winning the Lottery
F. All of the above
G. None of the above?

Don’t peek until you’ve chosen your answer.

The correct answer is none of the above. The rest of the answers are, what Happiness experts call a Happiness Boost – it will feel good for a while but it wears off and we return to our previous level of Happiness. Yes, even finding Mr. or Ms. Right does not guaranteee the Happily Ever After. It is, however, the longest-lasting Happiness Boost – approximately two years. Studies have shown that people are poor predictors of what will actually make them happy. This is the reason I am offering Happiness – a FREE class about Happiness every Tuesday at 7pm

If you would like to be happier, you are in luck! Happiness 201 is this Saturday. This is a crash course in Happiness. You will receive an assessment of your happiness (and if applicable your depression). We will discuss happiness blockers, happiness robbers and when it’s all over you will receive a PERSONALIZED plan for long-term Happiness. This four hour workshop is only $50!! .

Who: Frank Clayton – Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Happiness
Where: 220 East 3900 South #7
When: Saturday, September 12th. 10am – 3pm (with a one hour lunch)
Why: Because you want to be happier, don’t you?
What to bring: Pen, paper and a positive attitude
Yes, we do accept credit cards

Call 801-262-0317 for recorded information

THE big event! Happiness 201 This Saturday!

Happiness 201 is THE Happiness event you have been waiting for! In this four hour workshop we will address those thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that keep you from being happier and develop a personalized plan for your LONG-TERM Happiness! If there was ONE event about Happiness that you were going to attend THIS IS THE ONE! You will even receive a life-changing book as part of the $50 you pay for this four hour event. Shop around – that is a BARGAIN.

Happiness 201 is this Saturday, September 12th from 10am to 3pm with a one hour break for lunch. Address 220 East 3900 South #7. If you have any questions, call our recorded line: 801-262-0317 or E-mail me: frank@saltlakementalhealth.com

Happiness 101 enters into a new phase with a Party!

I have been teaching Happiness 101 as a FREE class every Tuesday night since April. Beginning next week, Happiness 101 will move into a new phase. We are finishing up this phase with a Party followed by THE Happiness event you’ve been waiting for: Happiness 201.

The party will be at 7pm tonight (Tuesday, September 8th) You are welcome to bring a little something to eat but it’s not required. The place to be: 220 East 3900 South. Walk in, hang a right and follow the music to suite 7. If you have any questions, call our recorded line at 801-262-0317

Labor Day

A day off. Football. A way to mark the end of summer. That’s what Labor Day means to most Americans. But have you stopped and thought about what it’s really about? Labor Day was declared in the United Stated following the Pullman Strike in 1994. It was whisked through Congress by President Cleveland in hopes that the acknowledgment of the labor force would prevent further bloodshead. Bloodshead over a job. Workers had to bond together and rise up for things we now take for granted like a fair wage and safe working conditions. I invite you today to appreciate improved working conditions. You might even take a moment to appreciate your job or career. There are many without jobs right now. If you are so inclined, send good wishes to the unemployed and hope they can celebrate Labor Day next year and do so with a grateful heart.

An open letter to Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness

Dear Dr. Lyubomirsky,

Words cannot convey what a thrill it was to receive your comments on the book review of the How of Happiness. I don’t know how much you had a chance to look at the website, but I have been teaching a class called Happiness 101, based largely on your book. Actually at one point I was teaching the class THREE times a week: once in the private practice, once as a conference call and once at my “day job” working at an adult day treatment unit. On September 12th I will be teaching a workshop based heavily on the book as well (I am calling it Happiness 201). I bought several copies of the book to give to participants of the class. I also direct people to your website (www.thehowofhappiness.com) whenever possible – including a link on my website (www.saltlakementalhealth.com) and my Facebook fan page (also called Happiness 101). I think anyone that is serious about being happier should start by reading your book. Looking to the future, I am hoping to teach Happiness 101 as an accredited class. Your book will be required reading.

Specifically, I so vehemently support your book because it is empirically based. I have picked up so many books in which the author is talking a good talk but find myself repeatedly asking “Where are they getting this?”, “What do they have to back this up?” In most cases I found their assertions to be subjective and therefore questionable. I also very much enjoy your style of writing. It is packed with information of happiness related studies while remaining down-to-earth and personable – a challenging balance to acquire! It is almost painful to see it sitting on the self-help shelf along with all the other books about happiness. Books like yours should have some sort of seal or special marking setting it apart from the others. I personally have two copies of your book. One to read and one to underline, highlight and scribble in the margins. I think every inch of white space has notes on it – even the cover!

It has been amazing to see the transformation in the “students” of the Happiness 101 classes. They are becoming Happiness ambassadors; teaching their friends, family and co-workers how to be happier. At the adult day treatment unit, many of the people I work with have been severely depressed for many years. Now most of them smile and eagerly share each week about the positives in their lives. We usually start the class by dancing to an upbeat, positive song. This week we got every single person on their feet – over 30 of them! They have HOPE, where they had none before. These are people with severe mental illness but because of your book, they have realized they have choices they can make to make their lives better. In turn, they inspire others – not only other clients but their friends, family members and even staff. After all, it is difficult to gripe about our problems when we see someone suffering from a severe mental illness making better choices and improving their lives. My “students” are an inspiration and many times my teacher.

I am incredibly excited to hear you are writing a new book! I will do everything I can to spread the word about the Happiness application for the iPhone (www.livehappyapp.com). What an amazing idea!! I’ll become a fan on Facebook, put a link on my website, tell my “students” and of course put the app on my own phone.

Your research and your book is changing many, many lives. Thank you SO much.

Sincerely,

Frank G. Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor
frank@saltlakementalhealth.com

The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Book Review: The How of Happiness

The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

The How of Happiness is an amazing book. ALL of the information is based on empirical research! It has become THE book we teach from in Happiness 101. It debunks the myths of happiness, proves how we (human beings) have a disconnect between the things we THINK will make us happy vs. the things that actually DO make us happy. Not only that, it offers a test to help you determine which happiness habits will work for YOU – and there are 12 of them. Most importantly, author Sonja Lyubomirsky reveals the specific “How To”s of happiness. If you have been saying you want to be happier, getting this book should be your first step.

You can find it at any of the major book stores or go to www.thehowofhappiness.com

We will begin a book study based on the How of Happiness on September 15th. Happiness 101 is a FREE class about Happiness conducted every Tuesday 7pm Call 801-262-0317 for recorded information

Cliff Notes from the Happy Sex Class

I am a mental health therapist specializing in Happiness. Tonight I took the principles from the Happiness 101 class (Tuesdays 7pm) and discussed how they can be applied to life behind the bedroom door. If you missed the Happy Sex Class, here are a few notes of interest:

The relationship in the bedroom is often a reflection of the relationship outside the bedroom.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Communication is key. If you want something (or something you do NOT want), find a way to talk about it. Use assertiveness (as opposed to aggressive, passive or passive aggressive)
If you are have trouble asking directly for what you want, you can stress the positive – say what you DO like.
If you experience guilt or shame in relation to sex, I suggest therapy.
Know yourself. Know what you like sexually and what you don’t.
Identify and honor your sexual boundaries
Do not compromise your values

Work to be happy with what you have (Myth of happiness “I’ll be happy WHEN”)
Use language that your partner finds appealing in initiating sex and when referring to sex or sexual organs.
Know your partner – what they like and what they don’t like. What are their boundaries?

Variety is the spice of a good sex life. There is a great deal of variety to be found if you are looking for it. Again, don’t do anything that is against your values.

There is a great article: Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couples

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment or question here or E-mail me at frank@saltlakementalhealth.com

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

How Exercise Improves Happiness

Published in 1999 in The Archives of Internal Medicine* was a study proving exercise has a positive effect on Happiness. They took a group of men and women over the age of fifty that were suffering from clinical depression. They divided them into three groups. Group A performed aerobic exercise for four months (they took breaks to sleep of course – just kidding – they exercised for 45 minutes three times a week). Group B they put on the antidepressant, Zoloft. Group C they had do both. Surprisingly the group that just did exercise did just AS well as the other two groups! IMPORTANT: This is in NO WAY suggesting you throw away your antidepressants. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS speak to your prescriber before going off of any medications. It can be very dangerous for you to stop taking your medication without guidance. What I am endorsing is that you start exercising and you TALK to your prescriber about the possibility of getting off of the antidepressants. If you feel depressed and are not on antidepressants, still talk to your doctor and/or mental health professional. But please know that regular exercise is possible avenue to alleviate symptoms of depression and is obviously ideal for people who do not like to take pills.

Do some exercises make you happier than others? YES. Research by Ed Pierce of Bridgewater College states that while light exercise or weight lifting is beneficial it is not enough to release endorphins (sometimes referred to as “happy chemicals”). To feel the happy effects of exercise it is recommended to do aerobic workout for at least 20-30 minutes per day at 80% of your capacity. However, the really smart folks at the Mayo Clinic purport that even squeezing in 10-15 minutes per day will give you a great Happiness boost but the effects may not necessarily carry over to the days you do NOT work out.

One of the twelve Happiness Habits prescribed by Sonja Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness is Taking Care of Your Body (Physcial Exercise). Making exercise a habit or part of your routine is one of the keys to success in this arena. Conversely, variety too is a must for staving off boredom. So, do your exercise at the same time of the day but shake it up – try something new!

Also, it is paramount that you find an exercise that you ENJOY doing! If you don’t like it, the liklihood that you will not stick with it. So, you don’t like traditional forms of exercise such as basketball, swimming or running? Get creative! I have recently taken up the (pseudo) drums – it’s a better workout than I would have thought. There are lots of choices with the Wii to combine video games and exercise. I also recently heard that paddle boating on the Great Salt Lake is becoming popular. What is YOUR favorite way to exercise? Share it with us by commenting on this article.

Finally, my personal recommendation is that everything is better with music and many, many sports can be enhanced with a generous dose of your favorite hopping music.

Of all of this, I want to ask you RIGHT NOW to think of one step that you are willing to make toward exercising and ultimately being happier. No, really. Right now. Please pick up a pen or your make a note in your calendar and write down something you are willing to commit to do in the next three days. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Frank Clayton

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or dietician. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, specializing in Happiness. I recommend that you always consult your doctor and/or prescriber before making life-style changes.

*Effect of exercise training on older patients with major depression, 159; 2349-56